We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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