I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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