Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
