Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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