Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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