god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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