This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
