your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
