I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Operation Purity has been aborted
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize