People in love make me want to vomit
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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