The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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