I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
