First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
