Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
