just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
