i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
