never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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