Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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