she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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