I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
