ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
