Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Acid is not a monday night drug
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
