The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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