Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
