my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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