The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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