And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
