I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
