i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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