we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
