i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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