at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
