Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
