I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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