Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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