I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
