I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize