hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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