sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
