something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
