doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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