Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
