Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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