the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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