Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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