me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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