my phone needs a breathalizer
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
