Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm