i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
A+ Viking dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
