Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick

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  (703): Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick http://tfl.nu/1qrd
  Replies (32) Good night (2932) Bad night (868)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5436) Bad night (564)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.

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  (541): I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album. http://tfl.nu/to1v
  Replies (10) Good night (1299) Bad night (3117)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope

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  (623): If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope http://tfl.nu/gx2z
  Replies (8) Good night (3504) Bad night (684)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

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  (210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz
  Replies (32) Good night (9112) Bad night (926)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.

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  (781): tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner. http://tfl.nu/1bdt
  Replies (20) Good night (754) Bad night (6385)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

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  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8114) Bad night (960)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.

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  (978): If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room. http://tfl.nu/2jpn
  Replies (4) Good night (569) Bad night (614)
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  (213): View more from California

  Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.

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  (213): Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave. http://tfl.nu/dd7g
  Replies (6) Good night (1182) Bad night (626)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "

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  (252): Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison " http://tfl.nu/v70i
  Replies (5) Good night (388) Bad night (857)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

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  (561): Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit http://tfl.nu/ek73
  Replies (3) Good night (472) Bad night (193)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...

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  (484): I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata... http://tfl.nu/0hr1
  Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (209)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.

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  (815): I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle. http://tfl.nu/d26w
  Replies (0) Good night (285) Bad night (160)
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  (530): View more from California

  FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood

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  (530): FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood http://tfl.nu/brn4
  Replies (5) Good night (460) Bad night (316)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off

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  (401): i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off http://tfl.nu/b0hl
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (190)

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