This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.