I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."