I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
