Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
NoShamevember. You game?
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.