Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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