rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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