What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
