we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
