i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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