i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's always time for handjobs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
