i barfeds in our rink
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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