Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
