my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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