why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
