dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
