pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
