you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
