He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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