I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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